For most men it is a stretch of the imagination when they first hear that a sexually active man would choose to forgo an ejaculatory release. Until we learn the benefits it sounds like an immense sacrifice. For the man willing to practice tantric sex the benefits are astounding.
There is tremendous life-force energy contained within semen. Rather than spending all this sexual energy in a fleeting release a man can invest it in an energetic savings account, if you will. My whole body feels charged up and awake when sexual energy is peaking so, it’s no wonder that I have to “recharge my batteries” after a sexual release. When we are young it feels like our sexual releases are drawn from a bottomless well. It is thrilling, captivating and men become quite enamored of the experience. But, we end up feeling depleted due to the dissipation of this potent life force.
Through tantric techniques men can spread the energy in the genitals to the whole body and experience rejuvenating “in-gasms” instead of depleting “outward-gasms”. I sometimes call them bodygasms, heartgasms or powergasms depending on what portion of my body is taken over / shuddered by the sexual force. I attribute the inner circulation of sexual charge to feeling more awake, younger and vital. Volunteer erections have become more frequent. When I do release, the energy is re-directed to another part of my body (kidneys, heart or head for example) for regeneration.
One of the primary benefits I experience is that ejaculatory choice essentially removes the sense of having a “finish line” in lovemaking. The “goalpost” of ejaculation dissolves. Rather, I can stay present and grounded for my woman with my attention and intention as a master of my own sexual energy. I don’t “gallop past her”, discharge and then energetically “go away”. I can joyfully savor every moment in devotion and attention. I get to shower in the energy bath of her orgasmic “splash zone”.
My woman knows when we begin a lovemaking session that I won’t release. Mastering my sexual energy allows me to be like stable banks for her flowing river of energy. She no longer needs to feel responsible for my pleasure and can more easily relax and allow herself to follow her own pleasure into peaks, waves and valleys and we can celebrate these orgasmic experiences together.
My woman is the most important person in the world to me when I am close to orgasm. My magnetic charge is built up to its highest level. This is an exceptionally nice time to slow down and connect with her vs. rushing into release and then obligatory rest. We are joining with an intention to inspire each other and share devotion rather than “get each other off”. My undivided loving attention and presence is what I can bring to her.
I have found when I don’t ejaculate for more than two weeks a tide of feelings rise in me. Feelings of tenderness, vulnerability and love build along with the sexual charge as we enjoy intimate union. My desire is not just physical, but a longing to join in deep connection with my beloved. We often physically place our chests together intending for a circuit of tenderness and love to run though our bodies.
It feels like I’m expanding to be a bigger container emotionally. My lingam (wand of light, penis) feels charged with power and desire and energy as I embrace and enter her. I imagine that my energetic body extends beyond my skin whether it be my fingers or my wand and my partner can feel me deeply inside her.
I used self-pleasuring to release most of my life only dimly aware of how it related to the buildup and release of feelings. I would use it to “go to sleep” emotionally and avoid owning my personal power. My need to ejaculate fit all the criteria of an addiction. When feelings came up it was much easier to “jerk off” and not care about anything for a while.
If the urge to ejaculate is great then a valid choice is to release and celebrate it together as an intimate, magical and powerful bonding event. Enjoy it to the fullest. Just after release is a wonderful time for your partner to say words that you’ve always wanted to hear. Such as; I am so proud of you, I admire your integrity, etc. (You can make this request ahead of time so she can speak directly to what you want.)
Discomfort symptoms associated with congestion or blockage in the genitals are easily and quickly remedied with a simple breath exercise of squeezing the PC muscles tightly and drawing the energy in your balls up to the crown of my head with your breath. Hold briefly, then release your breath and muscles and repeat. I generally only need to do this about three times.
Over time the need to focus on technique lessens as lovemaking becomes a relaxed and unhurried expansion versus a buildup of excitement and tension. The ecstatic union fosters a pleasure that is not concentrated in the genitals, but experienced as blissful connection in your entire body.
Realize that ejaculatory choice has great physical and emotional benefits and for me it is a key part of slowing down to enjoy my own sensations and to be more fully present for my beloved. Actual techniques are discussed in my article titled “Tantric Sex.”