Disclaimer: Much of this article will not make sense or might seem disrespectful unless the reader is familiar with the terms and techniques of “Natural Horsemanship”.
Your girlfriend should look to you for leadership. Leading is much deeper than just having her follow you around. The leadership I’m talking about is clarity, wisdom and certainty of direction. Show her that your love is constant and unwavering and she will “hook on”.
I’ve learned that I do not ever “fix” or “correct” my girlfriend. I’ll never gain ground by “bossing” her around. If I just direct her she’ll “correct” herself as needed in order to more fully embody her core essence.
I try not to play win/lose with her because she is stronger in many ways. She understands comfort and lack of comfort. She already knows how to “go”. But, to “go” she needs to be able to trust that I will not be moved off my center.
I don’t try and sneak a ride on her. If I feel my own commitment and depth she’ll feel it too. I must give her my direction when we’re together otherwise she’ll look for her own guidance. That being said, don’t just bulldoze through life. Don’t ever “ambush” her. You must have an awareness of her and a sensitivity of her so she “gets” where you’re going.
To stop movement; don’t pull on her, rather change the rhythm in your hands. She should trot when you change rhythm in your hips. When your feel changes to “don’t go” she needs to find her stillness. When your woman is still she should be feeling you, so that if something goes awry she will look to you for security.
When she takes a “jab” at me I can show her my stable presence. When she surrenders into trust I don’t bother her anymore. I look for the smallest change and the slightest try. As long as she moves toward her heart space – I’m alright with it. And I always reward the “try”.
Don’t make her do anything, get her ready to do it. Come to her with openness, freedom and love. The correct order is; first her mind, then her lips, then the mind and the lips. Her yoni is not an issue. Her heart is the issue. When her heart is right her yoni will be right. When a woman orgasms she is releasing deep tension. (It is beyond lick and chew.)
My job as a man is to get my woman ready to do what she has to do (trust and surrender) and she will do the doing. I want my idea to become her idea. I know we did the right thing if today I can do less with her than we did the day before. Praise her, pet her, rub her neck. Do NOT pat her! (Petting yes, patting no.)
When she tries; leave her alone. Don’t be critical of your woman, be particular. Before asking favors, get her attention. You must be more interesting to her than whatever else is in her world while you are together.
Don’t jerk on her head; let her run into the end of the (metaphorical) “rope” on her own, but do make sure there is an end to the “rope”. What I mean by this is to make your boundaries real and consistent otherwise she’ll never trust you (and perhaps with good reason).
When she’s rearing up; try not to do too much, let her come back to earth. Let the woman work through her trouble. Sometimes she has to work at the wrong thing for a while. Don’t start something unless you can come out the other side. Have a picture in your mind what you want her body to do. (I don’t advise using spurs in any instance.)
Your woman is the one that has the first trouble (got scared, bothered, etc.) then you get to feel it too. The more you help her; the better she’ll get. It’s your responsibility to help her. Don’t have both of you bothered at the same time.
When my woman gets frustrated she needs me to be at peace. Before I ride her I get her to be with me mentally. I keep my breath full and my body strong. I keep my attention present with her and no matter what she does – I offer her love. My only options are fear or mastery (of myself).
To build trust, have her work at something that she doesn’t think she can do (like be turned down for an invitation of time together or crossing some other small obstacle). Let her work through whatever behavior she comes up with. Give her patience with respect. Build trust with an easy obstacle like returning her calls at your convenience rather than allowing them to interrupt the flow of your workday. Don’t draw on her nose (like phoning her back) while she’s crossing the obstacle for you. If every time she gets bothered you ease off it teaches her that your edge will move according to her whim. She won’t get over being bothered without working through it. Expose her when she can find her way. Don’t make her afraid (that you are abandoning her). She can get afraid and that’s okay. Allow her to see she can handle it which will build her confidence.
Remember that she will offer you truth. Align your life with your own truth and purpose; demonstrate your masculine clarity, direction, integrity and presence. Always remember that you are not here to please her. You are here to pervade the world (including her) with fearless consciousness. Act with impeccability at all times.