Many people have offered their definition of tantric sex (and they’re not wrong). Here is mine.
Sex is not tantric of itself. (Neo-tantra is neither.) Tantra is a quality that lives inside each of us. Tantra is the attitude and consciousness that we can bring to each moment (whether we’re sexing or dancing or texting).
Being tantric is living our divine nature at the surface of our expression. It is an acceptance of what is, as well as an acceptance of the truth that is each moment. Living in tantra is choosing an openness to life that weaves into every action, thought and emotion.
Tantra is not imparted, rather it is awakened in our heart, similar to the way one candle lights another — an awakening of our own deep knowing. Another way to speak about this is that we all know intuitively that the spark of the Divine is inside us. The task, or Divine invitation, is to feel and express this truth at our surface. So when we bring tantra to sexing, it’s now tantric sex!
Developing a relationship to Source is not about who I am (my personality), but what I am. I am an eternal soul. And it’s not as much about what I do as much as how I choose to do it. Tantra accepts all.
Some useful questions to help me align with what I am in my essence are the following: Does this intention align me with my divine nature? Does this action serve or harm others? Am I choosing to open or close my heart? My understanding continues to grow as I examine my choices and see the effect of grace in my life. Understanding has a “leavening” effect in my life and in my choices of expression.
By the way, I certainly do not mean to imply that only being loving and “nice” is an acceptable expression of love. Tantra welcomes freedom of play in the shadow realms, too. We can feel connection, power, excitement and arousal from playing on the edge of social and self-imposed norms. We don’t always have to be the ‘nice girl’ or the ‘good boy’ in order to please our inner judge. In fact, other parts of us may be thrilled when the inner judge is in recess, so to speak!
I’m not different from anyone else, and so what I believe and accept about myself, I also accept about others. To the extent that I see myself as an eternal soul, I see all people in true fellowship with me. As I notice my own shortcomings I can accept that nobody’s perfect. This perspective helps me grow in compassion for myself and for others. Tantra respects the sovereignty of the individual and allows consciousness to unfold according to each person’s own need and in their own time. We all share a common creator and a common home and perhaps a common destiny. Namaste-ji.