Do you know how sometimes you hear or read something and you just get the truth of it instantly?
I’ve compiled a list of short statements below that help to define an ideal relationship to me. Some of them are original thoughts and some of them I just grocked right away.
Every once in a while I’ve come across a statement that describes how I want my intimate relationship to look and feel. These don’t need much examination or research, I just got it on a bone-deep level.
Relationship Guiding Principles
Companionship without cling
Friendship without manipulation
Friendship over form
Love without conditions
Affectionate touch without obligation
Humor without sarcasm
Listening without judgment
Answers without shadow
Service without expectation
Support not suppression
Solutions instead of complaints
Acceptance without guilt or manipulation
Generosity of heart over attachment
I also find it helpful to speak these words silently in meditation as a way of orienting to unconditional love and acceptance:
I honor you
I bless you
I release you
Tony Robbins teaches that true honesty is not telling someone else what you think of them, but being honest with yourself about your own motivations. I also find the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer incredibly useful to keep the focus on my own shortcomings and staying in empathy and compassion vs. trying to over-examine other people.
I review this list every once in a while and honestly critique my own behavior and motivations. I ask myself: “Do I offer this?” and “Do I love this principle?”
In this spirit, I recommend a song by Alanis Morissette, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return”. She sings to a generosity of spirit and great love and of being whole unto oneself. She is one of my relationship heroines.