Posted by: Corey Folsom | December 9, 2010

Alternate Giving – Can You Revel in a Kiss?

We are all familiar with alternate giving when it involves foot rubs, massage and oral honoring. But, who ruled that we always have to each be kissing each simultaneously?

My intimate partner and I choose to incorporate alternate kissing into our sex play. Imagine your lover gently, slowly, sweetly kissing your heart, neck, face and mouth while you just soak in the sensation and love without responding. Could you be with the exquisite sensations and just remain still?

It is a wonderful discipline (or blissipline) to practice stillness as you simply allow yourself to be pleasured in love / showered in love. Can you grant your lover the joy of devotional service?

It’s often a reflex to kiss lips that are kissing our own, but try just allowing the sensation and the gifting of being kissed without return in the moment. Feel how much love and affection you can take in. Can you feel the touch affecting your heart? Notice if you get impatient or feel a need to give back. Without judging, can you allow yourself to shift into just being?

We sometimes exchange breath without an actual kiss. My lover breathes in my breath and I then breathe in her breath. This is deeply intimate and bonding. Neither “takes” the breath from the other, but lets it be freely given. It’s a way to deeply connect with each other’s life force and be in sync with my partner.

Another fun and deepening exercise is to receive more actively where one partner is formally the receiver while actively communicating what he/she likes and what he/she wants differently regarding the touch. This can encompass the entire body or just a specific area. It’s helpful to use positive statements as much as possible, such as “the pressure of your fingers is nice AND would you slow the speed for me? Notice that “and” is a gentler word than “but”.

Practice feeling into just how deeply you can let love enter your heart.


  1. It’s great to find soeomne so on the ball


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