The two most important things that allow a woman to trust and open to a man are love and a sense of safety. Only with these two elements in place, can a woman fully surrender herself, whether it be a one-time, long-term, committed partnership or a marriage. With a trustable and loving man her essence can open as a flower opens to the sun, revealing the radiant being within.
For many women, however, it is only safety that allows them to open to love, especially if they’ve ever suffered abuse or wounding by a man. A woman can’t give her heart fully if she feels unsafe. In other words, it’s possible to force the petals of a flower open before it’s time, but the fragrance and beauty of the bloom will be muted and restrained.
For a man, it’s a wonderful and fulfilling experience to be met by a woman who is ready to welcome and celebrate his masculine traits. In whole-hearted giving and receiving of each other a sacred container is created for intimacy. Such a deeply bonded relationship offers a man a strong foundation from which to live his true vision and apply his energy to his life’s work.
Creating Safety in Women:
1) Know yourself: be confident, grounded and clear about your motivations.
2) Find out who she is: be interested in knowing her; ask her questions to discover what’s alive in her.
3) Be present: Really look at her, slow down and just be with her. Telling stories and talking too much about yourself or past events may only be serving your ego, creating disconnection from present-time emotions.
4) Share yourself: be transparent, talk about what’s alive in you.
5) Be clear about your intentions: keep her informed about your feelings for her.
6) Show her you care: call her the next day after every date to share your enjoyment of her in a way that’s genuine.
7) Praise her: Praise is food for a woman; the more specific you are with praise the better e.g. “I enjoy the way your eyes light up when you talk about…” is better than “You’re pretty.” She wants to feel that you really pay attention to details in general, and to her in particular.
8) Give in the way she wants to recieve: find out what form of giving makes her feel most appreciated, and make that your primary “love language”. (Praise, quality time, acts of service, gifts, touch.)
9) Fulfill her desires: check in with her about her comfort and needs by giving her a menu of options rather than open-ended choices e.g. “Would you like Chinese, Mexican or Thai food tonight?” rather than “What kind of food do you want?” You’re the man, and she wants direction from you, not through arrogant control, but through confidence in your desires and communication.
10) Support her goals: dream with her without having to necessarily produce the results.
11) Honor your own needs and boundaries: if you say “yes” to her at the expense of what needs attending to in your world of projects and providing, she’ll feel that your boundaries are weak. A real “no” from you, when appropriate, enables her to trust a real “yes” from you when it’s genuine. This can take the form of loving negotiation e.g. “I’m happy you asked me and I’m focused on (something else) right now. Can we find a time that will work better for both of us?” If you don’t have a 100% yes, let her know what’s occurring in your inner landscape.
12) Lead her into new territory: Take her on adventures, keeping her well-being in mind. A new physical or emotional direction in your life together may need communication, forethought and care.
13) Care for her emotional well-being: when she is stressed, offer to take some of her burden or help her relax. Remain centered and offer empathy and deep listening as needed rather than lose yourself in her emotions.
14) Allow her sexual autonomy and power: follow the wave of her desire and let it be a guiding force in your lovemaking. Stay attentive to her body cues and energy. As her energy ebbs, flows and builds, meeting her pace and power will build the magnetic resonance between you.